Victor, Victorious

To give a product my stamp of approval, it needs to have three things: Simplicity of form, efficiency in function, and a kick ass logo. The Victor rat trap embodies these criteria perfectly. It's made from simple materials--a small footprint of light wood with a neat metal loop bent back over a coil, and fixed into place by a thin bar positioned delicately against the bait holder. The lightest touch of the bait, and the trap springs into action with lethal efficacy. In fact, if the Victor has a flaw, it's that setting the trap is a highly treacherous affair, which you're aware of if you've ever had the need to play with one. One false move and you've broken your finger and forgotten all about the rat you were trying to kill. But, I can't dock it points just because it has a steep learning curve; so do motorcycles, guns, and alcohol, among other things.

Form, check. Function, check. Logo? Triple check. Bloody brilliant. A blocky, capital "V" which cleverly incorporates the silhouette of a cute little rat's head inside it; they even put in two little dots for eyes and cut outs for ears so you wouldn't miss it. Naturally, the head looks toward the bottom, or inside, of the letter; the bottom of the V defines the rat's nose, much as, in real life, the rat looks to the inside of the trap, nosing his way toward doom. Finally, the V is, of course, in red, symbolizing the blood of the rat about to be spilled, and the grim raison d'être of this killing machine.

Despite all these wonderful attributes, many folks with vermin issues choose not to go with the Victor. I suspect the degree of difficulty in setting the trap is the main impediment, but then again, some people just don't want to be bothered with the issue at all. They call an exterminator, who usually puts out some poison and then comes back later when the client complains of an awful smell emanating from the walls where the rat, after eating the poison, has gone off to die. If that wasn't bad enough, since vermin live amongst us, eating our food, poison is obviously a poor choice, unless you're a fan of adding toxins to your quarters. I am not. Glue traps are an option, because they're easy to set and your dog (usually) won't eat them and die. They have a huge drawback, however: when you wake up in the morning to find Mr. Rat stuck in place, you still have to kill him. This is not an easy proposition. Rats, at least the ones in your house, are not the big, evil looking guys you see trundling through trash bins and scurrying into city sewers. They're actually pretty damn cute. So now you have to deliver a death blow to something that your kid might want to keep as a pet. No bueno.

Here in the jungle, rats aren't really much of an issue, as the hawks, snakes, and countless other predators keep them in check. But recently, one enterprising little bastard found his way into my kitchen, and availed himself nightly to the mounds of fruits and vegetables we keep on the counters. Find a few delicious avocados, loaves of bread, juicy tomatoes and other glorious foodstuffs nibbled on every morning, and thoughts of murder percolate rapidly. We'd even seen the little guy during the day, when he was bold enough to venture out for brunch, but chasing him down proved impossible. He was basically taunting us. I put up with this for a week or so, and then discovered he was also gnawing on the insides of my cabinets and drawers, doing permanent damage. Time to bring out the big guns.

It took 3 days. He didn't like potato scented with coconut oil as much as anything else in range, and apparently Gouda wasn't on the menu as well. But a little bit of actual coconut? Irresistible.

You can't argue with the results. Beautiful. The loser is the rat, and the victor is us.